Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Squirrels of Wrath

I've got a relatively small piece of property, only a few feet of grass on either side of my house, because of where it is situated. On one side, I've turned the earth (I love that phrase) and planted some tomato plants, some eggplants (shouldn't they be eggplant plants?), and some other vegetables. And, lo and behold, they've been growing.

Now, I did not know this before, but squirrels apparently LOVE tomatoes. They are very adept at picking one the day before you think it's ripe, eating about half of it, and then leaving the rest to rot in your garden. Tricky bastards.

Anyway, I'm looking out my window yesterday evening, and I see two things simultaneously: A red, ripe tomato just ready for the picking, and a squirrel perched on the fence above, looking longingly at it. I tell The Redhead I'll be right back, and I make a dash for the side door.

As I open the door, I can see my foe preparing to pounce upon the poor, unsuspecting tomato. I wave my arms and shout like an idiot, as adults are want to do when they want to seem frightening, and the squirrel retreats to the safety of a nearby telephone pole, just a few feet out of arms reach. I walk over to the garden and pick the tomato in question, and the squirrel STARTS SWEARING AT ME. I kid you not, he was making really ugly noises and shaking his tail at me. Translated, I think he was saying:

"You mothafucka, I'm going to climb into your attic and shit all over the place tonight."

I can't believe I'm battling a squirrel (and a mean one at that) for control of my garden.
posted by S.C. @ 7:49 AM |

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