Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Grammy-atical

Hey, why not blog the Grammies?

8:02 - Gorillaz kick it off. Nice animation, I wonder if it looks that good to the people at the event.

8:07 - Oh my god, Madonna freaks me out.

8:13 - I'm on the couch next to The Redhead and she just turned to me and said,

"It really freaks me out that Mariah Carey is competing in the same category with Paul McCartney."

8:18 - Stevie Wonder and Alicia Keys. They're rambling a bit, but the a capella duet of Higher Ground makes up for all of it.

8:20 - American Idol goes Grammy. Kelly Clarkson just won Best Female Vocal Performance. Better than Mariah Carey, at least.

8:24 - Coldplay is up. Chris whateverhisnameis ("Mr. Paltrow", "Apple's Dad", whatever) is doing his best monkey-man impression up on stage. Ooooh, look, he's in the audience now, isn't he a badass?

8:28 - Back from commercial, John Legend is playing a spiffy little piano number. It's supposed to be sentimental, and I can tell that because it's in black and white.

8:33 - Sugarland (I think that's their name), one of the nominees for best new artists, is on stage. Besides the fact that it's country, and she's twangy as hell, technical difficulties are enabling us to listen in on the backstage technical channel from time to time. At least it proves it's live...

8:34 - Merle Haggard receives a lifetime achievement award. Presented by the female vocalist from Sugarland, and two guys from a group called Big & Rich.

8:35 - Best Country Album...Lonely Runs Both Ways, Allison Krause and Union Station. It strikes me during obligatory crowd shots as a little weird that one of the nominees for Best Male Country Vocalist is an Australian with the last name Urban.

8:40 - Back from commercial. U2 is onstage. The local music want-ads advertise "Power Rock Singer, 40, Seeks Weekend Cover Gig. Call Greg."

8:43 - Vertigo ends, Mary J. Blige joins Bono for a duet of One.

8:46 - "Welcome two stars from Crash. Oscar-nominee Matt Dillon and Gremmy Winner Ludacris."

Honestly, who the hell ever thought they'd ever hear Matt Dillon referred to as an "Oscar-nominee"?

David Bowie receives a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award.

8:48 - Kanye West wins a Grammy (Best Rap Album) for Late Registration. He walks up on stage wearing a pair of black gloves and black sunglasses with a white suit, says, "I had no idea!!!" and pulls out a piece of paper with "THANK YOU LIST" printed on it in big black letters.

8:56 - Ben Roethlisberger (sp?) intros a video of Kelly Clarkson acting like a complete ditz, talking about her desire to be on the Grammies.

Kelly Clarkson, a brunette in the video and a blonde in the performance, starts singing in front of a string section, but that can't fix how ugly her dress is.

9:00
- An obviously pregnant Gwen Stefani joins Billy Joe (from Green Day) onstage. Billy Joe wishes Les Paul good luck in getting better (he's in the hospital). They present Best Rock Album to...U2, How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb.

9:05 - I still have no idea what the fuck Bono is talking about.

9:12 - Back from commercial again. Paul McCartney. Sweet. First song over, "This is the first time I've played the Grammies, I finally passed the audition, so I want to rock out a little bit." Launches into a sick Helter-Skelter.

9:20 - The Blackeyed Peas (winner of Best Performance By A Duo or Group, presented earlier) and...Jennifer Love Hewitt. Yes. Jenny Love Hugetits with her fantastically bad bangs has joined the Blackeyed Peas to present best Male R&B Performance. John Legend (the black & white piannist from earlier) wins.

9:25 - Mariah Carey performs. I don't care how much better she sounds, bitch don't deserve a Grammy.

9:33 - Kelly Clarkson beats Paul McCartney for a Grammy. In shame, I turn off the TV and go to bed.

EDIT : We ended up watching the entire rest of the show, waiting for Herbie Hancock to perform. Sly Stone coming out on stage for his tribute performance, oh my god, it was one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen.
posted by S.C. @ 8:19 PM |

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