Thursday, March 09, 2006

Future Perfect

Horoscopes - Thursday, March 9th, 2006

You'll have an interesting encounter in a public restroom on Saturday, Aquarius. Do your best to enjoy it, because it will be the highlight of your weekend.

Remember that your public life is just that, public. As the saying goes, "Man who live in glass house...dress in basement. And masturbate only on moonless nights."

You will be vindicated this weekend, Aries, by a series of events that would make Rube Goldberg shake his head and laugh. This might be a good weekend to buy pottery. I recommend some of the pieces from Kiki's Kiln.

Stormy weather is on the horizon, Taurus, but that's ok, since you're currently engaged in learning to navigate it. Beware sea lions, they hold ill omens.

If you feel like a rat in a maze this weekend, Gemini...well, just have another food pellet and try not to think about it. Reflect instead on the socioeconomic impact of spider population growth as it relates to the dandelion worldview.

That fungus on your toe isn't dangerous, unless you consider the potential of losing your foot dangerous. Drink some green tea.

Lovely Leo, this should be a good weekend, despite the rain. There may be some Battlestar Galactica on in the house this weekend, as the season finale is Friday night. Your persistence in going to the gym will be greatly rewarded.

You really need to clean your room, Virgo. I'm pretty sure there's a group of gnomes that have set up a small colony in that huge pile of underwear.

Try as you might, you'll never wipe all of the porn off your computer. The only solution is to clean the hard drive by soaking it in soapy water for a few hours. Just make sure to dry it off completely before reinstalling it in you computer. Safety first!

Though your dog may have destroyed something you treasure, remember that life isn't just about material posessions. Try to enjoy the simplicities of life this weekend, Scorpio. Sometimes even the simplest of things, like a red rubber ball or something shiny (SHINY!), can keep you entertained.

Just give up.

Follow the lesson of the EPA this weekend, Capricorn. If your children can't seem to follow the rules you've made, simply relax the rules until they conform to the children's current actions. The government can teach us a lot about parenting if you know where to look.
posted by S.C. @ 8:01 AM |


<< Home