Thursday, March 09, 2006

Future Perfect

Horoscopes - Thursday, March 9th, 2006


Aquarius
You'll have an interesting encounter in a public restroom on Saturday, Aquarius. Do your best to enjoy it, because it will be the highlight of your weekend.


Pisces
Remember that your public life is just that, public. As the saying goes, "Man who live in glass house...dress in basement. And masturbate only on moonless nights."


Aries
You will be vindicated this weekend, Aries, by a series of events that would make Rube Goldberg shake his head and laugh. This might be a good weekend to buy pottery. I recommend some of the pieces from Kiki's Kiln.


Taurus
Stormy weather is on the horizon, Taurus, but that's ok, since you're currently engaged in learning to navigate it. Beware sea lions, they hold ill omens.


Gemini
If you feel like a rat in a maze this weekend, Gemini...well, just have another food pellet and try not to think about it. Reflect instead on the socioeconomic impact of spider population growth as it relates to the dandelion worldview.


Cancer
That fungus on your toe isn't dangerous, unless you consider the potential of losing your foot dangerous. Drink some green tea.


Leo
Lovely Leo, this should be a good weekend, despite the rain. There may be some Battlestar Galactica on in the house this weekend, as the season finale is Friday night. Your persistence in going to the gym will be greatly rewarded.


Virgo
You really need to clean your room, Virgo. I'm pretty sure there's a group of gnomes that have set up a small colony in that huge pile of underwear.


Libra
Try as you might, you'll never wipe all of the porn off your computer. The only solution is to clean the hard drive by soaking it in soapy water for a few hours. Just make sure to dry it off completely before reinstalling it in you computer. Safety first!


Scorpio
Though your dog may have destroyed something you treasure, remember that life isn't just about material posessions. Try to enjoy the simplicities of life this weekend, Scorpio. Sometimes even the simplest of things, like a red rubber ball or something shiny (SHINY!), can keep you entertained.


Sagittarius
Just give up.


Capricorn
Follow the lesson of the EPA this weekend, Capricorn. If your children can't seem to follow the rules you've made, simply relax the rules until they conform to the children's current actions. The government can teach us a lot about parenting if you know where to look.
posted by S.C. @ 8:01 AM |

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